Movie Review: Fifty Shades of Grey

If you have not watched the movie you can still read this review. However, if you want to be absolutely sure that you are not going to see anything that may be considered spoilage, just don’t read my review. That is all I have for my Public Service Announcement for today. Thank you.

My Review

I hadn’t planned on watching this movie so soon after it was released on DVD. If my sister hadn’t bought it, it probably would have been years before I watched it. But she had it and I was home for the weekend, so I decided heck, why not?

I’ll start by saying that you could totally tell this film was made by the same people who created the first Twilight movie. It was slow and awkward. Whenever I was reading the book, I never really had a problem with the dialog or the interactions in the story, but as they played out on screen I was just like “What are you doing!? You’re acting like a weirdo.” And unfortunately, I had this attitude towards every character in the film. Grr…

Besides this film being slow and awkward,—which is honestly 99.9% of my problem with it—there were some weird issues I had. One involves Anastasia’s unshaved legs. I mean, she knows she’s going to be “bumping uglies,” yet she didn’t shave her legs? Who does that? And the girl that plays Ana, Dakota Johnson, is sooooo skinny. I just wanted to feed her a cheeseburger throughout the entire movie. And, once again, there was awkwardness in the form of Jamie Dornan’s eyeballs. Whenever he was staring at Dakota/Ana, I was like “Creeper Alert. Creeper Alert.” I normally don’t poke fun at people’s appearances (because that’s just rude), but all of these things just added up to the one big issue I had with the film.

All in all, this book-to-movie adaptation failed miserably, because while I don’t think any film adaptation of this sex-filled novel would be the greatest movie of all time, it could have been waaaay better than this.